Willem Frankfort is a lifelong activist, a bawdy troubadour, a voice for the people, and mildly degenerate. Like Socrates and Diogenes of ancient times, he sees it as his mission to expose hypocrisy, greed, and folly wherever it may be found. Pray that you never fall within his sights.
Drake is an unbelievably sensitive man. Every time you play one of his songs, it’s just SO many feels! Like most artists, he loves to express all those feelings in his work. Sometimes, those feelings are centered around his ex-girlfriends and special ladies that he has had his eye on. This has led to some of the most awkward song lyrics in hip hop history! Have you ever been at a party and said something about your ex, only to turn around and lock eyes with him or her? Imagine that feeling recorded for posterity on a multi-platinum selling record. Join us, won’t you? These are the ten most awkward Drake lyrics.
10. “I love Nicki Minaj, I told her I’d admit it. I hope one day we get married just to say we fuckin’ did it, and girl I’m fuckin’ serious I’m with it if you with it.”
Wasn’t Nicki Minaj with Meek Mill at the time he recorded this? Bro, those are fighting words! If Drake ever ever ever ever ever recorded a song in which he proposed to my girlfriend, we would immediately have man problems. I’d smack his Canadian ass so hard, he would leak maple syrup. You don’t propose marriage to another man’s girlfriend and not expect consequences and repercussions. Do you think Jay Z would let that slide? What would Jay Z do? He would eat Drake alive is what he would do. Set an example, man.
9. Yeah, just know my condo is the crack spot. Every single show, she out there repping like a mascot. Get it from the back and make your fucking bra strap pop. All up in your slot ’til the nigga hit the jackpot.”
Besides the fact that he is apparently admitting to owning a crack house… She’s not your mascot, you chauvinist Canuck. Also, is he implying that he is going to bend her over and hit it doggystyle at the show? Actually, I’d break down and buy a ticket for that show, let me stop lying. I’m sure there is nothing more romantic to a woman than having her vagina compared to a slot machine. Not exactly a heartwarming love song here. It just seems like he is overcompensating for being the star of a rebooted Canadian ‘tween melodrama.
8.“Call me crazy — shit, at least you’re calling.”
Whoa. This line sounds like something his mother would say just before ‘Eat! Eat! You’re skin and bones.’. This is some needy shit right here. Drake, I would like you to Google the word ‘codependency’. Why do you keep letting these girls break your heart and taking them back? Why, Drake? Why?! Stop messing with video vixens, you need like… a librarian or a middle school teacher. Someone who appreciates flowers at the office and creepily possessive song lyrics on all of your albums. Let’s help this guy readjust his love antenna. Drake fans, you should be helping him, not enabling him.
7. “I know she your everything, I just feed her protein. Beat it in the bed sheets, and put her in a deep sleep.”
You just can’t rap stuff like this knowing that you are soft as baby shit. Talking about ejaculating in the wife’s mouth is off limits. He’s not Tupac. Even when Tupac did it, I thought that was off limits. When Pac talked about Biggie’s wife, at least he had the sack to let everyone know who he was talking about. You can’t just indirectly imply that shit. Otherwise, you’re just bragging about how you make a common practice of fucking married women.That is not a point of pride. Let’s see him say that about someone specific. In whose wife’s mouth did you ejaculate, Drake?
All About Drake
6. “I don’t trust you, you a undercover. I could probably make some step-sisters fuck each other.”
This guy must watch a lot of incest porn. First of all, Drake… you’ve chosen the lay-up of incest fantasies. Everyone knows it goes cousins, step-sisters, sisters, twin sisters, with mother and daughter at the top of the incestuous three way fantasy list. I call bullshit. I don’t think you can do it, Drake! You know he would write a song about it too, just broadcasting their drunken shame all over the world. How would you feel if you had an incestuous three way with someone and then had to hear it in heavy rotation on your way to work?
5. “Oh me, oh me, oh my. I think I done fucked too many women from the 305. ‘Fore the end of this year, I’ll do King of Diamonds three more times.”
I think I figured out why all those women keep walking out on him. Drake, when you fuck an entire zip code, some of those women are going to compare notes. This guy plans to have sex with all the strippers in King of Diamonds three more times each before the year is out. If stripper coochies were donuts, Drake would weigh six hundred pounds. This lyric sounds like his introduction at a Sexual Compulsives Anonymous meeting. It’s going to be awkward when he sees me there.
4. “I’ve asked about you and they told me things. But my mind didn’t change and I still feel the same. What’s a life with no fun? Please, don’t be so ashamed.”
For a man who gets around so much he sure makes a lot of rookie mistakes. So what he is basically saying is that all of his friends called her a whore. He went around to all of his friends asking about her, they all say they had relations with her, and he then proceeded to tell her about it. Classy. Drakey… no! If you’re going to be with her regardless of her reputation, you don’t tell her what everyone said about her. That’s not romantic! I promise you that if you say this to your girlfriend, you will be masturbating next Valentine’s Day.
3. “Alisha, Catya, I know that you gon’ hear this. I’m the man, yeah I said it. Bitch, I’m the man, don’t you forget it. The way you walk, that’s me. The way you talk, that’s me. The way you’ve got your hair up, did you forget that’s me?”
No Drake, the way you whine about women that dumped you all the time, that’s you. This dude said her government name. This motherfucker did the last name first with the colon on her! If he wants to take credit for their success as models, why not go even further with it? Did you perform plastic surgery on them, Drake? You’re not her parents, if anything it’s their genes that made her hot. I know this from personal experience, never spread her business. I’d like to personally extend an invitation to Ms. Kat… I see you’ve lost the zero, why not get with the hero? I can rap too. Meow!
2. “I’m trying to give Halle Berry a baby and nobody can stop me.”
Well that’s just objectively false, isn’t it? Halle Berry could stop him. The good people at Trojan condoms could stop him. Some RU-486? Objective thwarted, sir. Surely, if Ms. Berry is in want of a child, she could do just a little better than a man who has been featured in memes with his face pasted over the teddy bear from the Snuggle commercials. Before he wrote this lyric, statistically speaking, he had a chance to have relations with her, but I highly doubt that she would bear his child. Drake… come on bro.
1. “You, bring the cash right here man. Miracle, sit your ass right here man.”
Hold up, bruh! There are so many things I could say about this one. He is of course referring to the lovely model from Texas by the name of Miracle Watts. She is indeed the definition of a smoking hot vixen. Now I know we live in the age of Caitlyn Jenner and all, but don’t call her ‘man’. It messes up my brain during my ‘me time’. Also, is he implying that he wants to solicit her for the purposes of intercourse? You a John now, Drake? Reel that in, homie.