2015′s Weirdest Facts About Masturbation

If you love yourself, play with yourself. There will never be a person who knows you better than you—what you like, what you hate, how you like it, and all your “yes, yes, baby, touch me there’s!” The health benefits of masturbation are incredible, too. Masturbation has been found to help foster a sense of well-being, boost confidence and body image, reduce stress, improve sleep, and relieve cramps during a woman’s period. Several studies even suggest that women who experience more orgasms are less susceptible to heart disease and type-2 diabetes. The intimate exploration involved in masturbation helps you learn what you really like so you can share that knowledge with a partner, thereby enhancing your sexual experiences. Masturbation doesn’t have to be done alone, either. Shared masturbation with a partner allows you both to teach each other about one another’s bodies in a healthy, no-risk (of pregnancy or STDs) environment, and can be done through massaging each other’s sex organs and erogenous zones, or with the use of a variety of awesome sex toys.

Masturbation throughout history has been regarded in a variety of ways, from the strange to the explicit. It should come as no surprise to anyone that there are cultures throughout the US that regard masturbation as strictly taboo which—given our expertise on the subject here at Filthy Gorgeous—we just find to be so, so sad. Still, what is life without a little curiosity? For your pleasure and intrigue, we decided to find out 10 of the weirdest masturbation facts.

Ancient Civilizations

The earliest records of masturbation came from the Mesopotamian city-state of Sumer, where masturbation was encouraged either solo or with a partner to enhance potency. While there’s no scientific proof that masturbation increases sexual potency, prostate massages have been linked to men’s health. Men suffering from impotency have found that regular prostate massages help them to return to normal sexual function. Sexual impotence can be caused by muscular constriction, or can be a result of past neglects or abuses (physical and non-physical), and because they increase seminal fluid over time, prostate massages may help reverse these damages. Even better, they help reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Sumer wasn’t the only ancient civilization that encouraged masturbation. In Egypt, it was believed that masturbation could be a magical, as evidenced by the creation of the universe by the god Atum’s ejaculation. The ebb and flow of the Nile was also associated with the frequency of the deity’s ejaculation, and as a result, at one point it became a requirement of the Pharaoh to ceremoniously masturbate into the Nile.

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The Kamasutra

The Kamasutra, an ancient Indian Hindu text written between 400 BCE and 200CE, is often regarded as the ultimate guide to acrobatic sex positions. Of the seven parts book, the second part is the most well-known for its ten chapters regarding stimulation of desire, types of embraces, kisses, and caresses, sexual positions, information regarding oral sex for both men and women, and more. The text also offers the following masturbation instructions: “Churn your instrument with a lion’s pounce: sit with legs stretched out at right angles to one another, propping yourself up with two hands planted on the ground between in them, and it between your arms.”

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Onanism

The Judeo-Christian shameful view of masturbation is thought to come from the story of Onan, who, after marrying his widowed-sister in-law as per tradition, ‘wasted his seed on the ground’ rather than impregnate her. This was obviously regarded as taboo, because his role as both man and brother was to ensure the next generation continued through the act of procreation. ‘Onanism’ later became a popular term for masturbation.

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Central African Tribes

The Aku and the Ngandu people of the African Congo Basin in central Africa have no word for masturbation, and they are unfamiliar with the concept once explained. Scientists Barry and Bonnie Hewlett discovered this when studying the two groups’ sexuality. While sex is frequent among couples—on average, men and women report having sex three to four times a night!—, intercourse is regarded as a type of work to help “look for a child.” In an area with such a high infant mortality rate, reproduction is vital to the tribes’ survival. As a result, masturbation is rare or nonexistent, not because it’s frowned upon, but simply because it’s not part of the cultural model.

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A Winter’s Tale

From the 1610 Shakespearean play A Winter’s Tale, a joke is made from a servant’s line deeming a travelling minstrel’s songs to be ‘without bawdy’—or comical sexual matters— because he doesn’t understand the word ‘dildo.’ The line reads: “He hath songs for man or woman, of all sizes; no milliner can so fit his customers with gloves: he has the prettiest love-songs for maids; so without bawdry, which is strange; with such delicate burthens (burdens) of dildos and fadings.” This isn’t really all that surprising when you consider Shakespeare was well-known among the masses for both his low-brow humor as well as some witty banter regarding a variety of sexual acts, from Mercutio suggesting Romeo find a girl who will give him anal, to playful banter about cunnilingus in The Taming of the Shrew, to writing poetry about his boner. Good thing we came to regard this man as a genius, eh?

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Strange Sex Laws

The New Haven law of 1656 meant that in Connecticut, those found guilty of masturbating could be given the death penalty. A bit extreme, but that’s only if you don’t take into consideration that it’s not the only strange sex law to make it onto the books in the U.S. In Colorado, it is illegal to wake up a sleeping woman by kissing her, whereas in Iowa kisses aren’t allowed to last for longer than five minutes. Strangest of all, in Washington, it’s illegal to have sex with a virgin… even on her wedding night. (We’re not really sure how that one works.)

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Victorian Doctor Practices

While Victorian doctors were famously helping women orgasm to cure hysteria (and revolutionizing sex toy tech when their hands got tired) they were also advising all sorts of methods to keep young people and men from masturbating. These practices involved tying their hands to bedposts, putting children in pajamas that only opened in the back, or creating very uncomfortable-looking devices, such as a jugum penis, a metal clamp with teeth. It was thought that masturbation would lead to a weakness of character and also to venereal diseases.

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Kellog’s

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg (yes, that Kellogg) is quoted as saying “If illicit commerce of the sexes is a heinous sin, self-pollution is a crime doubly abominable.” He ran a sanitarium in the late 1800s where he enforced a strict vegetarian diet, believing meats and spices to excite the libido, and in fact, that is how corn flakes came to be invented. No wonder they taste so bland and unexciting.

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El Sartorio

What is commonly believed to be the oldest surviving pornographic film is El Sartorio. Thought to be made in Argentina, circa 1907, the film features three women bathing in a river who have sex first with each other, and then with the devil. The movie also may feature one of the first uses of an extreme-close up shot of genitals.

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Caught Sticky Handed

In 1991, one of the most famous cases of a well-known celebrity being caught masturbating in public involved Paul Reubens, aka Pee-wee Herman, at an adult theater in Sarasota, Florida. As recently as 2012, Fred Willard was also arrested for a ‘lewd act’ in an adult movie theater, resulting in his dismissal from PBS’s Market Warriors and requiring him to take a sex education diversion program. We can only wonder what everyone else in the theater was doing.

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