Filthy Entertainment: Has Game Of Thrones Lost Its Sex Appeal?
Has Game Of Thrones lost its filthy entertainment appeal by toning down the sex?
Game of Thrones is one of the most wildly popular series in the history of the HBO network. There are differing theories on the secret to the success of this show. Some people think it’s the vast abundance of gnarly sword fights. Others think it is the depth of the political intrigue in the struggle for power. Personally, I think that it is the sexy, sexy, sex. It seems like when the series first started, one could not go through a single episode without an orgy, a nude fire-play scene, a gang of sapphic prostitutes, some hardcore BDSM, or a dwarf giving a prostitute the old reach around. Do you remember when the Khaleesi was naked throughout three quarters of every damned episode? Pepperidge Farm remembers… and so do I!
I have put considerable thought into this and I believe that there are three stages in the sexual evolution of this series. The first stage, which I like to call the “Nude Daenarys Era” or NDE for short. This occurred during the first three seasons of the show, before Emilia Clarke had her lawyer write a clause into her contract which gave her veto power over nudity. This woman was ass naked ALL of the time. Meanwhile, there was a never ending chain of prostitutes as backup, as well as some blonde on blonde incest for good measure. You into the gay stuff? They had that too! This was the golden age of Game of Thrones wanking. Sex scenes and nudity were plentiful, and one could be relatively certain that it wouldn’t get weird before finishing.
Geek Trailers: Game Of Thrones Season 5
The next era is what I call the Post Nude Daenarys Era or PDE. This is when Khaleesi got all power mad and banned her sweet booty from appearing in front the camera. There was still a lot of sex during this time, with others taking up the mantle and stepping up the frequency of their encounters. However, it was no longer safe to spank the monkey, nor flick the bean at this point. Without fail, just as the nudity was about to become enjoyable, Joffrey would shoot her with a crossbow, or an evil demon would queef itself out of someone’s vagina and body somebody. The brothel scenes were painfully brief. This was a time of tumultuous anarchy.
The current stage is the Age of “Nipple Scarcity” or ANS. If you see somebody’s butt on the screen now, it’s either a man’s or somebody immediately gets killed before they can get down. Two girls giving Theon Greyjoy a lapdance? Immediate emasculation! The latest episode featured a bedroom scene in which Khaleesi was entirely covered by a blanket the whole time, engaging in some light pillow talk with her gentleman lover. Tyrion has lost his love of hookers, vastly decreasing the number of brothel scenes. It appears that the Stark motto will prove prophetic. Winter is coming!
For Game of Thrones Fans
I’m not saying that HBO should change the story arc in any major way. Game of Thrones can be a bit much at times, and I really just need to see some tender love once in a while as a palate cleanser for the perversity. Maybe let Samwell finally get some! You have this guy in the middle of the tundra taking care of someone else’s baby and he can’t get a knobber or something? Can Little Finger give Sansa the D? Maybe Missandei and Daenarys could just have a lesbian sex scene for a minute… just to try it and see if they like it? I beseech you! See, I’m not just talking problems here, I’m talking solutions! I am here to help!
If you hear what I hear… if you feel what I feel… I need you to all to stand with me in my campaign to restore sanity and copious naked copulation to this beloved series. Miss Clarke… I beseech you. Please let us see you again. We miss you, baby. We’ll change! We won’t make those memes anymore… we swear! Home Box Office and George R.R. Martin, please find a way to give Grey Worm a penis so we can see Nathalie Emmanuel naked as well.
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