How To Maintain A Sex Life After Divorce
Going through a divorce is hard, but maintaining a good sex life afterwards is harder.
Divorce sucks, plain and simple. Like any loss in life, divorce is something no new couple likes to think about, consider, or anticipate. Can you imagine if at the start of your marriage you were to say, “I can’t wait to marry this man and then divorce him 10 years later.” Unfortunately, though, regardless of all the good years and celebrations, some marriages do not survive. Sometimes the commitment between two people is better off broken than forced together.
The actual process of getting divorced can be a dragged out one. OK, I’m being nice. Truthfully, in many cases it is a gut-wrenching nightmare, but like all storms eventually the dust always settles. Eventually you will feel human again, eventually you will feel hope for your future, and eventually you will crave love again, both physically and emotionally.
The desire to be touched and loved by another are not feelings that can stay dormant forever. Sooner or later your craving for intimacy will be so powerful, there will be no further way of denying it. Thoughts of fear, doubt, and insecurity are the initial reaction for most, while others cannot wait to dive into this sexually unknown territory. Sex after divorce doesn’t have to be a terrifying experience—in fact, for many women it can be life altering, bringing a sense of new-found confidence and sexuality. The once inactive libido you swore you had may come out of hiding screaming for attention and satisfaction. Either response is perfectly normal; it’s how you handle it that matters most. While I can’t give you a step-by-step guide on how to get back into the dating/sex game, I can offer some pointers that every divorcee should know.
Start with sex toys. Diving right into the sex pool may not be high on your agenda at first, and whether you’re divorced, widowed, or single, sex toys are always a “guaranteed good time” option. Not only can a little guilt-free fantasy be exciting, but also you no longer must be so discreet. Remember, a little self-pleasuring is great for your body, mind, and soul, and will help take the edge off until you get back in the sack with a real man.
Do something for you. After divorce or a breakup, the need for change is often an immediate reaction. From a new hairstyle to a new wardrobe, if there was anytime in your life to indulge, it is now. The first step out the door may be the hardest, so make sure you are looking and feeling your best. Don’t stop at a new haircut and a pair of boots, spoil yourself with some new sexy stuff as well. Chuck those granny undies and splurge on an entirely new collection of panties. Let ill-fitting bras, saggy jeans, and dusty stilettos be replaced with the finest lace, best fitting, and sexiest options out there. I am not suggesting you change into someone you are not, I am simply recommending the exploration of the new woman you are today. Your taste, style, and body is no longer what it was 10 years ago (for better or worse), so allow yourself to discover the new options that await you. I am telling you, a little makeover and closet clean-out can go a long way in the confidence department.
Consider what you are looking for. Another important subject to consider is what your expectations and intentions are in the single world. Are you looking to meet new people on a friendship level? Are you interested in dating? Are you open to online dating? Does the thought of a new relationship make you want to barf, therefore all you want to do is have fun, flirt, and possibly hook up? All of these paths are completely OK, and if you change your mind rather quickly, that is OK too. However, having this conversation with yourself and friends allows you to feel confident in what you want before stepping foot into the land of the unknown. Remember, this time in your life is a second chance at happiness, have fun with it!
Entrust your mission in the hands of good friends. Like I mentioned above, now is the time to embrace your closest friends. Whether it’s to listen to your confessions, or give you that push to get out there and have fun, having a few trustworthy girlfriends is vital. Regardless if most of them are married or moms, every woman needs a night out now and then, and what better way to get the fun ball rolling than with help from your sisters from another mister.
The first time may suck. Not to panic you, but 7 out of 10 women confessed that their first sexual encounter post-divorce was awkward and terrifying. Much like the time you lost your virginity, you shouldn’t expect too much the first time. Questions of self-doubt will cross your mind like, “Will he like the same thing my husband liked?”, “Can he see my stretch marks?”, and “Do I even know what to do anymore?” Remember sex is sex, and you will be surprised at how effortlessly your body will respond. Once you get past all the worrying, you may come to find that sex with a different man is the best thing since wine and cheese. And if you relax yourself enough, you may just get the orgasmic relief you’ve been wishing for.
Protect yourself. Just because you’re older and wiser doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant or an STD. Be smart and talk to your doctor about birth control options, as there may be many more on the market now compared to before you got married. Lastly, always have a condom or two. Sleeping with someone new is scary enough, no reason to add more worry to your plate.
Sex does get better with age. While the first romp may be a bit scary, you should try to remember this: sex does get better with age. How, you ask. Well for starters, you’ve been having sex for many years now, so you know what you like. You know how a man can make you come and how he can’t. You are aware of what positions make you look and feel best. You may also be open to trying new things. Think of your experience and age as a positive. Why do you think so many young men love an older woman? Because they know what they want and tell them how to do it.